Start your own church!

Among all the junkmails I get every day, occasionally there are a few that take my attention, like the one I got today titled "Our church will ordain anyone who asks":

Become a legally ordained minister within 48 hours
As a minister, you will be authorized to perform the rites and ceremonies of the church!
Perform Weddings, Funerals, Perform Baptisms, Forgiveness of Sins
Visit Correctional Facilities
Want to start your own church?
Press here to find out how

After reading it, I thought probably I don't need them for begining my "own church". What it needs is an XX-Large robe and a talent in performing arts --to make me able to cry in public if necessary, and prevent me from laughing at people when they look at me with tears in their eyes.
It also needs a bunch of dedicated believers for starting the business. They have to worship me, see me in their dreams, try to understand what I say, and get "healed" when I touch them. Their job might seem difficult at the beginning, but there are good opportunities for them in the future to begin the first denominations of the religion, based on their interpretations of the sacred words I recite.
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The picture: Guru Nanak Jayant.